Kagome the Fish
by XxShukketsuYume
Summary: It's based on an odd roleplay that I had with a few friends reeeeeally early in the morning... so it's a little odd..but funny!


**Title:** Kagome the fish.  
**Author:** Pengwinn  
**Summary:** This is based on a very very odd roleplay, at two in the morning, with a bunch of my friends. After reading Inu-Yasha number 12, in which Kagome is unsuprisingly annoying, I decided to further her punishment. ::evil grin, cackling proceeds:  
**Disclaimers:** Chikin, Flying Squirrel, LFSC, so on and so forth.  
**Author's Notes:** If you are confused at all by the title, then just read on.  
  
Kagome tapped her foot angrily on the ground in front of the enormous tree that the stupid inu happened to be sitting in at the moment. Whatever she had said, it had offended him, and he wouldn't pay any attention to her. Kagome, being a very enormous attention whore, couldn't stand for this. "Oh come on Inu-Yasha, it was only a joke." She said annoyed.  
  
"Hmm.." Inu-Yasha sniffed. He did not move away from his spot.  
  
"Inu-Yasha, get down, we need to go look for more shards!" She whined. "Lady Sango and the others only agreed to go ahead to the city to heal Shippo's wounds if we would search for shards."  
  
"Mmm…" The dog demon repeated. He found his perch quite the perfect place. He smiled inwardly at the wench's distress. He nearly smiled outwardly until…  
  
"INU-YASHA, SIT!!!!!!!!!!" Kagome shouted. Inu-Yasha was thrown from the branch, about twenty feet off the ground, into said ground, falling on top of a passer by. Kagome walked over and tapped her foot next to him. "Aren't you going to get off and apologize to this poor person?" She asked.  
  
"I don't mind the position, actually." Jakotsu. The two companions looked at the person underneath Inu-Yasha at the same time, and both jumped back. Inu-Yasha tripped backwards, falling into Kagome.  
  
"Ack! You again!" Inu-Yasha muttered, his voice shaking. Jakotsu happened to be very openly gay, and also very openly in love with Inu-Yasha. He sent a glare in Kagome's direction.  
  
"My darling, are you alright?" Jakotsu asked, getting up and walking forward to help the demon.  
  
"Get away from me." He growled, his eyes wide with fear.  
  
"What is it dear? Is the welp scaring you?" The concern mixed with the lust in his voice was quite interesting, but also quite disturbing. He smiled. "What do you say to coming back to my hut with me for a bit of an…"  
  
"No." Kagome snapped, stepping in front of him. Jakaotsu was about to snap something quite cattish, and possibly slap her, when all three heard a very large growl and a pop.  
  
"Uhnnn…" Those assembled turned around to see a young boy, possibly around fifteen, lying on the ground. He had brown hair and paleish skin, and was wearing a grey kimono, which was at the moment curled tightly around him, seeing as he was attempting to sleep.  
  
"Who in the seven hells…?" Inu-Yasha began, stepping out from behind Kagome and poking the boy with his foot.  
  
"Ah!" The boy shot up, his brown eyes filled with confusion and fear. "Wh-who are you?"  
  
"I was about to ask the same of you." Inu-Yasha said, sitting down indian style next to him. "Inu-Yasha."  
  
"N-nice to meet you."  
  
"Kagome." Kagome said, sitting down and holding out her hand for the boy to shake.  
  
"Jakaotsu…are you single?" Jakotsu asked, sitting down as well. He edged uncomfortably close to the teen.  
  
"Um…there aren't two of me, no."  
  
Kagome snickered and Jakotsu rolled his eyes. "What I mean is are you seeing someone?"  
  
"I see all of you…I didn't think I was blind…" All assembled held back snickers.  
  
"Naiive, isn't he?" Inu-Yasha asked Kagome. She nodded.  
  
"Why aren't you wearing any clothes?" The boy asked randomly.  
  
"Excuse me?" Jakotsu said.  
  
"Not you…her…" He said, pointing to Kagome in her skimpy school uniform. She immediatley went a brilliant shade of red. "Can you not afford real clothes? Are you poor?" He asked.  
  
"Ah! No, this is my school uniform!" She exclaimed. "Right Inu-Yasha!?"  
  
"Huh?" He asked, looking over at her.  
  
"This is my school uniform!"  
  
"You're a fish?" Jakotsu asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Fish do travel in schools…" The boy said. "You're a fish. That's interesting…I always thought fish looked more…fishy…"  
  
"I am not a fish!" She exclaimed, sobbing into her arms.  
  
"It's…it's leaking…" The boy whispered to Jakotsu. "Does it need water?"  
  
"Inu-Yasha I wanna go home!" She shouted, looking up, tears running down her cheeks.  
  
"It is leaking."  
  
"I am not leaking!"  
  
"You really are Kagome." Inu-Yasha said, pointing to her tears. "How come you never told me you were a fish?"  
  
"INU-YASHA!!!!" She whined. "TAKE ME BACK TO THE WELL!"  
  
"She lives in a well. So it is settled. She's a fish." Jakotsu nodded.  
  
"I AM NOT A FISH!"  
  
"Okay Kagome." Inu-Yasha said, snickering.  
  
"Which way is the well?" She asked, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I want to go home."  
  
"It's that way." He pointed to his right, not noticing her getting up and walking in that direction.  
  
"Finally we get rid of her." Jakotsu sighed. "We get some alone time…"  
  
"Wait…I need her!" Inu-Yasha jumped up and ran after her.  
  
"Oh, right, you're in love with her and I revolt you…"  
  
"No, she's a jewel detector!" He shouted back, grabbing her arm and pulling her back.  
  
"So I don't revolt you then?" Jakotsu said, smiling. "Hmm…interesting."  
  
"LET GO OF ME!!!!" She shouted, getting carried back. Inu-Yasha had given up on convincing her to come back and instead, picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, placing her down next to the fifteen year old boy. She sat there huffing for a few moments. "Inu-Yasha, sit!"  
  
"Kagom-ack!" Inu-Yasha was thrown into Jakotsu's lap. Jakotsu smiled, playing with his hair.  
  
"Funny how things work, isn't it?" He asked, tickling behind the dog demon's ear. Inu-Yasha growled and pushed Jakotsu's hand away. He sat up.  
  
"Yeah, funny wouldn't be the word I'd use." He muttered. He turned to Kagome, who was attempting to leave again. "Kagome, come on, just stay."  
  
"Why? I'm a fish aren't I?"  
  
"She just admitted it!" The kid said.  
  
"What's your name anyway?" Inu-Yasha said, turning on him, attempting to keep the converstation cool enough so that his jewel detector would stay.  
  
"Er…can you really detect shards?" He asked Kagome. She nodded grudgingly.  
  
"Really now?" Jakotsu said, smiling. "Prove it."  
  
"You've got one in your neck. Under your left ear." Kagome muttered, still glaring angrily at Inu-Yasha.  
  
"He what?" Inu-Yasha snapped. "Why didn't you tell me before?"  
  
"You weren't paying attention to me." She snapped.  
  
"Where is it again?"  
  
"Underneath his left ear." She repeated. Inu-Yasha lept at Jakotsu's neck, his claws at the ready.  
  
"I take it removing the shard'll kill you?" Inu-Yasha snapped. Jakotsu nodded, moving back an inch and making Inu-Yasha fall. He took out his sword.  
  
"You've faced this once already, and didn't come out the best. Wanna try again?" He asked, smirking. Inu-Yasha, who's tetsuiga had been unsheathed, slipped the sword back into it's sheath. The two were utterly suprised however, when an arrow whizzed by Jakotsu's neck, narrowly missing the exact part Kagome said the shard was. They looked over at the angry teenager, who was still holding her bow.  
  
"I have aim. Check your hair prissy boy." She quirked an eyebrow and lowered her bow, while Jakotsu felt the back of his head.  
  
"A chunk of it's gone!" He exclaimed, moving his hand furiously back and forth over the spot. "It's gone!" He whimpered. "Gone!"  
  
"I won't miss next time." Kagome promised.  
  
"Kagome, what's the matter with you?" Inu-Yasha asked.  
  
"Time of the month." She snapped. Inu-Yasha nodded.  
  
"Sorry for making you so upset then…"  
  
"Fish menstrate?" The young teen, )(Now forever to be referred to as nameless)( asked.  
  
"I AM NOT A FISH!" Kagome shouted, standing up. "You!" She pointed to Jakotsu. "Do you know where the well is? The well in the forest of Inu-Yasha?"  
  
"It's that way." However, he did not point right. He pointed left.  
  
"YOU LIED TO ME!" She shouted at Inu-Yasha.  
  
"Kagome, please don't leave…" Inu-Yasha begged. "We need to find the rest of the jewel shards, you said so yourself…"  
  
"The fish is leaking again…" Nameless said to Jakotsu.  
  
"I know…it's odd…"  
  
Kagome got up and walked off left. Inu-Yasha began to follow her, but she shouted, "SIT!" and ran to the tree where her bike was and sped off into the forest.  
  
"Damn!" Inu-Yasha hissed. "Damn!"  
  
Miroku walked in the direction he last saw Kagome and Inu-Yasha. He hoped he could find them before dark. "SIT!"  
  
"Lady Kagome?" He asked. She whizzed by him on her bike, almost knocking him over, not noticing he was there. He deducted that Inu-Yasha was just a few feet ahead and walked into the clearing where Inu-Yasha, and two other people were sitting.  
  
"Damn!" Inu-Yasha hissed. "Damn!"  
  
"What did you do to Lady Kagome?" Miroku asked, stepping into the light.  
  
"What are you doing here monk? I thought you went ahead with the others."  
  
"I did…Lady Sango requested I go find you, she didn't want us to be seperated. I came to find you, and Lady Kagome just sped off in the direction of her well."  
  
The two's fight was cut short when Miroku felt someone playing with his ponytail and blowing in his ear. "Miroku darling…long time no see…" Jakotsu smiled. Miroku turned around.  
  
"I'd rather keep it that way." He murmurred, sitting down next to nameless.  
  
"Who are you?" Nameless asked.  
  
"Miroku the monk."  
  
"Why do you wear pants underneath your kimono Miroku? It makes things all the more difficult…" Jakotsu tsked.  
  
"Stay away from me you vile creature. I don't swing that way, and I'm not into the living dead." Miroku snapped.  
  
"Zombies? They don't exist." Nameless said. All three looked away and then Jakotsu smiled.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Hello Jakotsu. Like I was saying monk, zombies don't exist."  
  
"He looks pretty real to me." Miroku waved his hand at Jakotsu.  
  
"He's not a zombie."  
  
"I would be the living dead." Jakotsu said, waving.  
  
"What?" Nameless growled, and a pop was heard. After blinking, the assembled realized that Namless was no longer there, and in his place there was a very large wolf.  
  
"What in the seven hells?!" Inu-Yasha exclaimed. Jakotsu looked confusedly at the wolf. Miroku sneezed.  
  
"Achoo!"  
  
"God Bless you." Jakotsu said.  
  
"I'm a buddhist! Achoo!"  
  
"God Bless you."  
  
"Stop that, achoo!"  
  
"God bless you."  
  
"ACHOO!!!" Miroku sneezed directly into the wolf's face, and another pop was heard. Nameless was back, wiping his face.  
  
"Ew man! Cover your mouth when you sneeze!"  
  
"I'm sorry…" Miroku said, breathing heavily.  
  
"Wait, are you alergic to me?" Namless asked.  
  
"I don't know." Nameless grinned. He changed into a wolf. "ACHOO!" Back. No sneeze. Wolf. "ACHOO!" Human. No sneeze. Wolf "Ah-" He changed back before Miroku could finish sneezing. "Hey, don't do that!" Miroku murmured. Wolf. "ACHOOOOOO!!!!!!" The wolf whimpered and ran off into the woods, deserting them, thinking to himself that strangers should learn to cover their mouths when they sneezed.  
  
Inu-Yasha was feeling very grumpy at the moment, so he climbed up into a tree, leaving the monk and the homosexual sitting alone. A grin spread across Jakotsu's face, and he placed a suggestive, and rather dead, hand on Miroku's thigh. "We're all alone now Miroku." He was nearly purring.  
  
"No, the dog demon." Miroku pushed his hand away. "Is still in the tree. And I wouldn't anyway. I already told you, I don't swing that way, and I'm not into the living dead."  
  
"Oh c'mon Miroku, you know you want a piece of this." Jakotsu placed the monk's hand on his bare leg. "The only reason you won't have me is because you need someone to bear your children. I'm sure I could find a way around that…"  
  
"You disgust me Jakotsu." Miroku growled.  
  
"MIROKU!"  
  
The monk's eyes grew wide with fear as a three year old girl, holding a scrunchy and an enormous bag filled with ribbons skipped into the clearing.  
  
"PUPPY!" She shrieked. Inu-Yasha fell out of the tree and scrambled against the trunk, scared out of his mind. Her eyes scrunched up. "Where's your ribbon? You took it out, didn't you?" She accused. "Miroku! You did too!"  
  
"I didn't take it out Love…it uh…fell out?" Miroku supplied.  
  
"Oh okeydokey then! We'll just have to get you a new one!" She said happily. "Did yours fall out too puppy?"  
  
"Yeah, but I don't need a new one.." Inu-Yasha yelped.  
  
"Uh, I can't have a new ribbon." Miroku exclaimed.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I'm uh…with…uh…" He looked around, hoping someone would show up. Someone better than Jakotsu or Inu-Yasha. However, since Love knew Inu-Yasha had a thing with Kagome, and nobody was around to save him, he realized he was defeated. "H-hi-him." He looked painfully at Jakotsu, who was completely confused.  
  
"Prove it." Love demanded. She tapped her foot impatiently. Miroku gulped.  
  
"Prove it, Miroku darling." Jakotsu said smiling.  
  
Miroku painfully put his arm around Jakotsu's neck and pulled him into a deepthroated kiss. Jakotsu went somewhat stiff at first, but then he kissed him back. When Miroku tried to pull away because Love seemed satisfied, Jakotsu wouldn't let him go.  
  
Once the kiss was broken, Miroku gasped for air. He shuddered and started gagging. "I never want to do that again." He hissed. Love was ditractedly looking at Inu-Yasha in the tree )(He had climbed back into it…Plot hole needed to fix )(. However, she heard the gagging.  
  
"I think you're allergic to him." She said sweetly. Jakotsu looked mildly offended.  
  
"Oh c'mon darling, can't you do better than that?" He asked.  
  
"Maybe it's cuz of the rock in his throat." Love said.  
  
"Shard." Inu-Yasha corrected. "The SHIKON shard."  
  
"Shikon shard?" Miroku asked.  
  
"Shikon shard." Inu-Yasha nodded.  
  
"He's got a shikon shard?"  
  
"Yes, monk. Shikon shard. How many times do I have to repeat it?" Inu-Yasha snapped. Miroku glared at him, and was about to smack him when he was pulled into another disgusting and quite sloppy saliva filled wet kiss from Jakotsu. He pulled away, forcing a smile on his face, a very painful smile and breathed quite raggedly.  
  
"See, I love him." Miroku said through clenched teeth. Jakotsu smiled. "Love him like I love God."  
  
"Hey! But you're a bud-" Jakotsu was about to say when Miroku pressed his lips to Jakotsu's once again. When Miroku ended the very short lip lock, Jakotsu nodded begrudingly and shrugged. "At least I'm getting some."  
  
"Okay, so I can't have you…but I can have mah puppy!" Love squeaked. Inu-Yasha looked around, quite scared.  
  
"What do you mean, puppy?" He asked. "And I'm not your puppy."  
  
"If he's anybody's puppy he's the fish's puppy." Jakotsu said. Love and Miroku looked at him confusedly, but Inu-Yasha jumped out of the tree and landed on top of him, strangling him.  
  
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" He shouted, baring his teeth. "YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW!!!!!"  
  
"Hey! Leave him alone! He's perty!" Love said, snapping. A poof of smoke and a blink of the eye, and everybody assembled now saw not Inu-Yasha, but a puppy, sitting on Jakotsu's belly. Jakotsu gasped for air as the puppy looked around confusedly. It growled )(as much as a puppy can growl)( at Jakotsu until it noted that Love was tying a ribbon around it's neck. It whined and tried to run up the tree, but failed and went rolling, stopping at Love's feet. "PUPPY!" She squealed, scooping him up in her arms and huggling him. The puppy squeaked.  
  
"It' not supposed to make that noise…" Miroku noted. "And we need to back away…slowly…"  
  
"We? Are we really a pair then Miroku darling? I thought that was all for show…hmm…interesting…" He placed a rather suggestive hand on Miroku's thigh, but the monk pushed it away.  
  
"No. That is NOT what I meant. What I mean, is that I will not wish THAT on even my worst enemies…or…shall I call you…stalker." He murmured. Jakotsu looked mildly offended as the two backed into the woods, attempting to get away from the three year old squealing. Instead of going stealthily, Jakotsu turned around and screamed.  
  
"What in all the hells is that thing?!" He shouted.  
  
"Gah! Jakotsu!" Miroku hissed as Love and puppy version Inu-Yasha walked over to investigate. He looked down and saw the most deformed squirrel he'd ever seen in his life. )(I told you this was weird in the author's notes! But no, don't believe me! Stupid readers…I mean, I love you all so much! Please read my stories more often! )( He looked down.  
  
"That poor squirrel." Love said, sad. "Poor poor squirrel. I wonder who did that to him." They all looked the the squirrel…if you could call it that. It was about the size of a beagle, and had the tendencies of a squirrel, except that it had beagle ears and a very large nose. "I wonder who did that to him." The girl repeated.  
  
"Did what?" Miroku asked.  
  
"He's got lots of shiny rocks in his back." She sighed. "They glow." She pointed. Jakotsu and Miroku saw nothing. The puppy growled…er…tried to anyway.  
  
"Get 'em out puppy." Love ordered. Inu-Yasha-puppy-style jumped onto the squirrel's back and ripped out three Shikon shards. It turned back into a normal squirrel and climbed up the tree while puppy Inu-Yasha glared at the shards, trying to find somewhere to put them.  
  
"Love. Honestly, every time." Death said, grabbing his little sister by the pigtails.  
  
"But Death! I was playin' hide and seek wiv my babysitters!"  
  
"I don't care. C'mon." He looked at the puppy Inu-Yasha. "Change it back."  
  
"No." She said, hmphing.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh for the love of Buddah!" Miroku exclaimed, pushing Jakotsu off of him. "Just change Inu-Yasha back!"  
  
"But I want a puppy!" Love whined, her eyes watering. All present, even the puppy, winced. "I…I…I wanna puppy!" And she began to cry. Very loudly.  
  
"MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE!" Miroku exclaimed, covering his ears. Jakotsu covered his ears, looking at it.  
  
"Make it dead!"  
  
The puppy whined, trying to cover it's ears, which were bleeding. Death grabbed Love, and poked her. She stopped crying and looked at him. "I will get you a puppy if you change him back." He said quite calmly.  
  
"Okay!" Love said, smiling, tears gone. She changed Inu-Yasha back and the two disappeared.  
  
"I have the urge to scritch my ears now." Inu-Yasha muttered, rubbing the ears that were not bleeding anymore.  
  
"Like you didn't before." Jakotsu said, smiling. "It's so cute."  
  
Inu-Yasha shuddered.  
  
"Should we find Lady Kagome then?"  
  
"Eh, I guess. C'mon, let's go." Inu-Yasha muttered.  
  
"And what about me, huh?" Jakotsu asked, putting his hands on his hips.  
  
"You're coming with me." Bankotsu whispered in his ear, tugging on his robes. "You were gone for much too long, my dear Jakotsu."  
  
Inu-Yasha and Miroku took this sudden distraction to walk away through the trees, far away from the clearing. As they walked in the direction of the well, they heard Jakotsu gasp. "Oh Bankotsu! Bankotsu!!" They shuddered in unison and ran as far away as possible in a matter of three seconds.  
  
**FIN**

****

)(Yeah...that was one of my reeeeeeeeeeeally old fanfics....yay for old crappy ones? Yeah...it was when I first learned about Jakotsu and Bankotsu, so it's not the best depiction of them, but it's funny ne?

Er...yeah. Review? I might be posting up a bunch of my old stories...tell me not to if you don't like them! Heh heh..XD

Signed,

Your faithful fanfiction slave monkey,

Pengwinn)(


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